How BIZARRE!

***Warning: Not for the faint of heart!***

As I said in my cast of characters, KC is a cat hoarder. Not only does she have 50+ cats in her house, she feeds every stray cat that comes around. She is crazy about cats. And I don't use the word "crazy" lightly. I've known her for about nine years and I swear it's time the song "they're coming to take me away" happens to her.

Can you just imagine what it's like in that den of filth KC calls home? The one time Helga went in the house she said there were feces, urine and vomit all over the place. It made her sick just walking in the door. I'm sure she was not exaggerating when she said she would NOT go back into that house without a hazmet suit on. I wouldn't go in that house with a suit on!

KC’s cats are very well fed and holidays are quite the feast at her house. At least it is for the cats. She buys a big turkey and cooks it for them and they all sit down and eat it together. She told Helga that sometimes when she’s eating, the cats jump up and grab the food as she puts it in her mouth. She gently chastises them for their lack of table manners. Note to self: Don't ever eat food cooked by somebody I don't know whose house I haven't been in.

KC communicates with her cats. She saw a stray kitten hanging around M’s house and told M the kitten had been talking with her. One of her cats is her “guard dog” and gets between her and anyone that she talks with. According to her, he “knows people.” When she goes outside and claps her hands, cats magically appear. I swear she is the Pied Piper of the feline community.

KC used to hire Joe Cool to build her a coffin every time one of her cats passed away. Certain specifications had to be met before her cats could be laid to rest. The coffin couldn't just be a wooden box. No sirree! It had to be a wooden box lined with silk material, long enough that the cat's body would have plenty of room to stretch out. Can't have a cramped dead cat, can we??? Then the deceased cat was buried in her back yard.

The cats rested in peace until one day she found out... she could have the cats cremated when they died. She began frantically digging up the remains so she could have the ones already buried hauled to the pet crematorium. There happened to be one little problem, she couldn't find one of the coffins. She’s been distressed over this and plans to hire someone with a metal detector. She’s hoping the detector will pick up the nails in the coffin and she can find the missing cat.

When one of KC's cats die, she goes through a ritual that makes me cringe when I think about it. Out of respect, she keeps the dead cat in her house for 24 hours before she sends it to be cremated. Once it's cremated it's tiny little urn is placed on the mantle with the others.

KC made arrangements with the funeral director to have the little urns buried with her when she departs this earth. Then she came up with what she thought would be a divine plan and presented it to Helga. She suggested Helga and her dog be cremated so they could all be stored together. Helga had a hard time containing her laughter on that one.